The Vanishing Act

I’ve noticed a certain phenomenon that happens with men. It might occur with women too, but I don’t date women so I don’t know about that. Have you ever had this happen? A guy just disappears? It may be that you’ve been talking for several weeks and then….. crickets. Or you spend a weekend together never to hear from him again. Not that you want to hear from him, because you don’t, but you wanted to be the one to go silent so that it’s clear you are the one rejecting him.

I don’t get it. It’s definitely a sign of disrespect, but it also seems like a sign of cowardice. I’m a big girl, I can take it if you don’t want to see me anymore. Just put your big boy pants on and come out of the corner you’re hiding in.

Then again, it may just be an easy way to weed out the bad guys. C’est la vie.

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~ by Kat on October 10, 2011.

2 Responses to “The Vanishing Act”

  1. (First comment, I’m honored!)

    ‘Just noticed your blog on bendblogs.com and couldn’t resist the title. 🙂 Looks good so far, keep it up!

    As for the disappearing act thing, yeah, that sucks.

    I haven’t dated in years, not since I was in my 20’s, so I’ll avoid opining on how rejections should be handled by people in their 40’s. But I will observe that the traditional male-female dynamic really isn’t fair in this regard. If a women’s not interested, she just waits for the man to call and says, “sorry, I’ve got to shampoo my hair”, or some such line guys know means, “go away, dear”. (Okay, most guys know. Some need a couple whacks over the head before to get through to ’em.)

    But there’s no veiled-dismissal-that-leaves-the-ego-intact equivalent for men. There’s simply no point in a relationship where men are expected to sit back and wait for the woman to call. And, thus, no opportunity to say, “Sorry, gotta clean the Shop-Vac tonight”, with the shared understanding that it means, “you’re nice, but go away.”

    I’d like to think dating gets easier as people get older and more comfortable with who they are, what they want, and “how things work”. But after seeing what my parents went through when they divorced (at age ~50) I know that’s simply not true. I had the pleasure of watching my mom and dad independently struggle with dating in the 80’s using what few skills they’d developed in the 60’s. They’re both remarried now and I can safely say we are *all* grateful for that.

    • Thanks for the point of view! Always interesting to hear what the other side is thinking.

      And yes, you’d think that relationships would get easier as we get older and act like “adults” but you’d be surprised. Stay tuned!

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