How To Sleep With Your Best Friend’s Roommate

What Planned Parenthood does:

Plan a fundraiser under the guise of a pub crawl. Give out “bingo” cards where attendees can win prizes. This bingo card requires drinks at several bars in order to be filled out for prizes. Hand out condoms at every bar.

What you do:

Attend this fundraiser and fall into the trap of drinking at every bar so you can “win prizes.” Take a condom from every bar. Be reminded of how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. Take more condoms as you become convinced you will have sex tonight. Because alcohol makes you really smart. See best friend’s roommate when he shows up at the last bar. Decide he’s cute enough. Go home with best friend and roommate, put wasted best friend to bed. Sleep with roommate. Because you can. Because it’s easy. Decide afterwards that it wasn’t good enough to face the awkwardness with best friend in the morning. Even though he asks you to stay, you leave in the middle of the night. Decide that Planned Parenthood is evil and that if one of their stupid condoms broke, they would be at fault. Vow to never attend another pub crawl “fundraiser”. There were no prizes won this night.


~ by Kat on October 11, 2011.

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