Don’t Drink and Date

The usual mistake I make when drinking around men is to sleep with one that I ordinarily wouldn’t. That’s just par for the course. (and I hate golf, incidentally.) But the recent mistake I made was to think that I could drink and be in a relationship.

And that’s how it started out with Man Candy. I went through a period where I was drinking a lot. Still functioning quite well, but drunk on a regular enough basis in the evenings. MC became my booty call. Until I realized that I was the only one drinking and that I wasn’t waking up wanting more and he was.

Then when we met up again, I was mostly sober. I mean, relatively sober. He’s not a big drinker so I didn’t always feel comfortable being the only one with a glass in my hand. And then I got over that because, well, that’s who I am. I’m a drinker. I pay my bills, I take care of my kid, I show up at work, I go to school. If I have a few martinis on the weekend or some wine during the week, who cares?

Well, MC cared. A lot. He didn’t want to be with someone who drank every day. I was labeled an alcoholic. As a woman, and someone who feels relatively self-aware, I did question that. Do I drink too much? Should I take a look at this? So I did. My friends laughed. My doctor scoffed. Even my kid was like, “Mom, you’re older than him. I’m pretty sure you can do what you want.” So that settled it. I’m not an alcoholic. Despite the number of times he labeled me as such.

And when I relayed the information from my friends? From my doctor? When I brought up that in all my years of therapy it has never been discussed? “All of your friends are alcoholics and you lied to your doctor.” Well, I did lie to an anesthesiologist once but I learned that lesson. Nothing I said could convince him otherwise. My drinks were measured, counted, and heavily monitored. He expected certain behaviors based on the friends I would hang out with. Everything I did was open to questioning.

In the end, I couldn’t do it. I like my cocktails. I have a drink with co-workers now and then. I love wine tasting. Granted, I don’t always make the best decisions and I over-indulge on occasion, but I’m okay with that. I’m okay with it and he’s not. Does he have issues fromĀ  his past? He probably does. Don’t we all? Is he over-the-top with calling me an alcoholic? Yes. But does he have to be with someone who drinks if it makes him unhappy? No. At the same time, I shouldn’t have to change who I am for someone else. And I’m not.

To say that our relationship ended because of drinking is grossly over-simplifying it. Obviously there were other issues. However, I think the drinking symbolized the underlying issues. I am who I am and I’m not willing to change. At this point in my life, I am really only interested in making myself happy. It may be selfish, but that’s the reality. In every relationship, I will inevitably make someone unhappy. So I might as well make myself happy.

My hope is that the person who really falls for me is okay with that. I’m willing to compromise with acceptance. I’m not willing to compromise to be someone I’m not just to make someone else comfortable for a little while.

I’ll drink to that!



~ by Kat on October 9, 2012.

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